


giving you all i got (not so crystal clear)

by sofarsoperfect



Category: NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dancing, Drinking, Drinking Games, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Secret Admirer, frat party, passing notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29142477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofarsoperfect/pseuds/sofarsoperfect
Summary: Johnny found the playlist written on notebook paper that was at least 12 songs long and Johnny copied them all down out of curiosity before taking the list with him back to his dorm. All of them were really good and, because he’s nosy, he offered a few of his own suggestions before sticking the paper under the table in that exact same seat, the edge sticking out just a little bit next to the wall. It was gone when Johnny returned on Wednesday and replaced with a note in the chair that simply said, “thanks. your songs are good too.” and an additional song listed underneath. Ever since they’ve just been trading songs back and forth.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 7
Kudos: 44





	giving you all i got (not so crystal clear)

**Author's Note:**

> so, here we are. this is what happens when i decide i want to get into a new group and you're all forced to experience it with me. this is my first attempt at a seventeen fic and it was fun. i had a really good time so i hope you all enjoy what you're about to experience because i had a lot of fun. 
> 
> *title inspired by: in or out by jens  
> *unbeta'd

Johnny sits in the same seat every day in his post-graduate music composition class. He sets his coffee down on the table and slings his bag down onto the chair. There’s a ripped piece of notebook paper on the seat, which he picks up and quickly stuffs into his messenger bag as he pulls the rest of his things out to lay them out for the lecture. When he sits down he has to reign in the way his hands threaten to shake with excitement. He still has a full hour and a half lecture he has to get through and he takes a long sip from his coffee as he sits down, bag shoved against the wall by his feet, opening his binder for this class.

The lecture this morning is boring and he honestly doesn’t understand how his seatmate manages an entire music composition lecture at an hour like eight in the morning. He’s barely awake and it’s already ten, main-lining coffee like it’ll keep him awake, head in his hand, taking haphazard notes. Johnny’s barely paying attention at all despite finals threatening to creep in around them. His mind is straying to the piece of paper he’s got stuffed into his messenger bag.

In the last half hour of class he realizes he hasn’t thought of a song yet. He reaches down to find the tape he’s been keeping in his bag for this reason exactly, ripping off a piece of black duct tape to stick to the edge of the table. No one else in the room is paying attention, most of them seem to be as half asleep as he’s been most of the lecture. When he turns to a clean page in his notebook he taps his pen against it a couple times.

He keeps picking obvious artists when all the ones he’s been getting from his seatmate have been a little more obscure. Wednesday he chose a Frank Ocean track, an older one off of Channel Orange, but it was still kind of lame. All of the indie tracks he keeps getting are so good he thinks back on some of the albums he’s been listening to or have popped up on his Spotify mixes.

sharing you by LANY gets written down and he rips it out as quietly as possible folding it up into a tight little square, sticking the tape to a side of the note and sticking it under the table. They’re still pretty mainstream but he feels good about that song, knows it’s good and he likes it quite a bit. He goes back to his kind of paying attention and curls his fingers around his thermos in an attempt to keep holding things in both hands so they don’t shake. He’s curious as to what was given to him.

When the class is over Johnny feels under the table once more to make sure the tape is secure and then gets up. They’ll find it on Wednesday, hopefully, and he packs up his things, snatching the paper out of the bottom of his bag to stuff it in his pocket instead. He practically rushes out of the room, fishing the note back out when he’s clear of the most of the traffic, out the doors of the music hall.

Ride with Me by Pink Sweat$ is written on the note, accompanied by two Xs underneath it. Johnny brings his lower lip between his teeth in an attempt to tamp down his smile. He has to get to the library.

Seungcheol clears his throat and no one at the table even notices. He looks around the library table with the rest of his friends and does it again, a little bit louder. Jihoon and Jeonghan look up and Seungcheol rolls his eyes. He does it louder and this time slaps a hand on the table in front of Josh. He jumps as he looks up from his notes, head whipping to look at Seungcheol, who looks over to the entrance of the library pointedly.

Josh follows his gaze to where Johnny is walking in the doors. Josh drops his gaze immediately and Jihoon snorts, shaking his head as he goes back to his own notes. There’s a light thump sound that Josh does not investigate but when he chances another glance at the doors he can see Seungcheol’s head on the table next to him in his peripheral. Johnny’s walking across the room to get to the stairs, jogging up them before disappearing from Josh’s view entirely.

There’s a table on the third floor terrace Johnny likes the best and when he reaches it he pulls his miscellaneous information notebook out and turns to the back pages. He has to be careful not to lose all the notes that are stuffed in there, a few of them brightly colored post-its, most of them ripped notebook paper. There’s a running list of songs down the pages in the back that span at least two pages because the first one is a playlist that was left in that exact same seat two weeks into the semester.

Johnny found the playlist written on notebook paper that was at least 12 songs long and Johnny copied them all down out of curiosity before taking the list with him back to his dorm. All of them were really good and, because he’s nosy, he offered a few of his own suggestions before sticking the paper under the table in that exact same seat, the edge sticking out just a little bit next to the wall. It was gone when Johnny returned on Wednesday and replaced with a note in the chair that simply said, “thanks. your songs are good too.” and an additional song listed underneath. Ever since they’ve just been trading songs back and forth.

How apt for a couple of music composition students.

Pink Sweat$ is added to the list and Johnny hums softly, looking it over. It’s a good playlist, diverse, and he tucks the newest notes, the first one with Xs on it, into the notebook as well before he’s eventually joined by his friends.

By the time they’re leaving, and Johnny is trying to fight Ten off of him, he’s accompanied by four other people. He notices Seungcheol and the others when he’s on his way back through and diverts from the path to the door to talk to them. It’s already past noon so they are probably also on their way out to get lunch, based on the way they’re already putting their things together.

“Hey, Cheol,” Johnny greets him when he’s near enough and Seungcheol looks up with a smile. He’s already got all his things packed away and when he comes around the table he takes the offered hand from Johnny. “You got plans for lunch? We were just about to head out,” Johnny tells him and Seungcheol shakes his head.

“Not really. But I’m broke so if you’re going off campus I hate to say, that’s not happening,” he explains.

“Kim Kook’s is open,” Taeyong mentions and Jeonghan’s eyes light up.

“I’m in!”

“If you eat all the breadsticks again, I’m leaving,” Josh warns, shoving his books into his bag. Johnny snorts as he looks over. His eyes dart down as he recognizes the outside of the book, the same music composition book as the one he has in his own bag.

“I didn’t know you were in music comp, Josh,” Johnny comments and Josh looks up with wide eyes. Seungcheol looks at Josh expectantly while Jihoon presses his lips together, shoving his writing utensils in his bag. Taeyong looks to Jeonghan, reading the tension of the moment, and Jeonghan shakes his head minutely even though he also looks like he’s about to start laughing. Josh pauses for a moment before clearing his throat, pushing the book the rest of the way into his bag.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I’m in post-grad for it. I take the eight a.m. with Kwon,” he brushes off, looping the bag around his shoulders.

“I take the ten. Oh my God, I don’t know how you do it, I’m almost asleep every single day,” Johnny groans. The party moves slowly towards the door, partially because they do plan on getting food but also because Johnny’s voice is naturally booming and the last thing any of them need is to get in trouble with the librarian. “His voice is so droning, I wish I had just taken the second semester for it because honestly I don’t know that I’m going to know anything in the final.”

“His finals aren’t very difficult anyway. I had him my Junior year as well,” Josh explains, voice weak, soft. Taeyong’s eyes slide to Jeonghan, who is staring quite intently at the ground as he walks towards the door, lower lip between his teeth.

“I’m gonna take your word for it,” Johnny insists, “and pray that you’re right because my GPA is riding on it.”

“Oh, your fucking 4.1 GPA,” Jihoon jokes, getting an elbow to his side from Ten for his commentary. As they step out, his voice gets louder. “I’m right! Johnny’s GPA is insane. I don’t know how you do it.”

“He’s a professional kiss ass,” Doyoung laughs. “The man would lick a professor’s shoes for an A.”

“I am not that disgusting!” Johnny crows. “And let’s all remember that I was not the one propositioned by a professor. _Jeonghan,_ ” Johnny states. There’s a handful of shouts and groans while Jeonghan practically preens under the attention.

“You don’t have to be so jealous, Johnny.”

Kim Kook’s is an on-campus eatery that’s connected to a school store and a coffee shop all of which is one massive building with study rooms upstairs. It’s not crowded thanks to the one in the afternoon classes that are going on and the giant circle booth in the corner is the only one big enough to hold all of them. They wedge themselves into the booth, shoving themselves into the close quarters while they discuss the upcoming end of the semester and impending winter break.

Josh hangs back to sit by the edge of the booth, only to get caught by Seungcheol, who nudges him towards the booth. He resists the urge to sigh loudly when he finds himself crammed in next to Johnny, who has a habit of resting his arm on the back of the booth. Sometimes Josh wonders if his friends actually consider his, admittedly, childish crush on Johnny Suh to be the funniest thing they’ve ever heard and therefore want to find as many ways to make fun of him for it whenever they get the chance.

He doesn’t know when he started feeling this way towards Johnny but he really thinks it’s just a childish crush. School yard nonsense that he _will_ get over soon. After all, they’re both graduating this year with their masters and then they’re going to move on with their lives. He and Johnny have never been especially close, it’s just that they and all their friends are music students so it’s just… same circles. Same parties. Mutual friends. Josh doesn’t think this’ll last long.

He hopes not, at least.

Lunch is loud, louder still because Jeonghan and Ten can’t get along to save their lives, the rest of them being forced to sit nearby and keep the two of them from jumping the table. Josh has a three o’clock class which means that he has to leave early because of course they manage to spend almost two hours sitting around a table and talking. It’s almost comfortable, even though he can’t quite ignore the heat radiating off of Johnny like a portable space heater and the arm that’s draped along the booth behind him, not on his shoulders but close to. He’s not actually that sad about it as he stumbles out from between Johnny and Seungcheol, offering a quick goodbye before heading for the door, thankful to be out from under Johnny’s kind gaze.

“So you guys are both taking Kwon?” Jihoon asks as soon as Josh is clear of the doors. Johnny nods enthusiastically, straw of his drink between his lips. “This is going to sound weird but have you ever seen anyone in your class leaving notes under a desk?”

“What?” Yuta laughs.

“Josh’s been talking to this… person through notes ever since the second week of the semester. He wrote this playlist for someone, he didn’t say, and it fell out of his pocket into the chair. When he got back to class the next week it was taped under the table with a few other songs written on it,” Jihoon explains and Johnny slowly lowers his cup to the table. “They’ve been talking ever since.”

“Aw, cute,” Doyoung coos. “Joshie’s got an admirer.”

“I wouldn’t call them an admirer, I mean the class is boring,” Johnny brushes off. “What else is there to do? But no, I can’t say I have. He told you about it?”

“It’s weird, right?” Seungcheol asks. “I mean, I get it, classes are boring but I’ve never made pen pals with someone I share a seat with in the same classroom.”

“I don’t know, I just thought maybe you’d seen something. It’s weird but like, it’s put him in a good mood, I guess,” Jihoon admits. “I don’t think he ever intends on meeting them but it’s kind of nice that even though he took a God awful eight a.m., which I told him not to do,” Jihoon says as though putting it on record. Yuta and Taeyong both snort. “That when he gets out he’s at least in a good mood.”

“Wish I could help. I don’t know. But like, I’m practically asleep the entire time,” Johnny says. “I cannot explain to you how boring the class is nor how droning Kwon’s voice is.”

They disperse not long later because some of them still have classes while Johnny heads back to his off-campus apartment. It’s in the back of the shuttle bus that he cracks open the notebook again and thumbs through all the notes, all the notes he now knows are actually from Josh. His eyes scan the playlist, the 12 songs that he left a single line gap between and the rest of the songs he’s gotten all semester long. The 12 songs are love songs, or kind of like love songs, close to, and Johnny runs a finger over the long since dried ink.

_”He wrote this playlist for someone, he didn’t say…"_

_Josh was making a playlist of love songs,_ The traitorous voice in Johnny’s head tells him and Johnny’s lips turn down of their own accord. He’s not quite sure why that upsets him though.

He puts all the songs in a Spotify playlist that night and looks it over for a long time. Something eats at him as he runs through the playlist, thinking about how they’re all songs that Josh picked out for one reason or another. He can’t be sure if Josh picked them for a reason or they were just songs he thought of off the top of his head but the first 12 look back at him, mocking him. A handful of almost love songs that he was dedicating to someone.

It’s kind of cute, Johnny considers as he tries to get to his music composition work but it only brings him back to Josh. He’s a romantic, must be if he’s the kind of guy that makes playlists for people he likes. Kind of a traditionalist, maybe he used to make mixtapes for girls in high school and Johnny bites his lip to hold in giggles. He used to do shit like that when he was younger, made a handful of playlists for girls he liked in high school. He grew out of it but he has a handful of empty CDs and jumps in the drawers of his desk.

He doesn’t even process it until he’s doing it, ripping songs from the internet and putting them on a CD. Johnny pauses for only a moment to consider how silly this is before he continues, making a whole fucking mix CD for this boy he doesn’t even really know that well other than the music he gave him. Well, it’s worth a shot, right?

Wednesday and there was another note on the chair in his music composition class. Johnny doesn’t hesitate to tuck the note into his bag, like he has every other note, and digs around to find his binder. Inside of it is a paper envelope holding the mix CD and he feels silly even as he rips pieces of duct tape free from the roll and sticks the entire envelope under the table for Josh to find at a later date. The worst part is that it’s a Wednesday, the last day of the week for this class, so Josh won’t find it until Monday but Johnny supposes he’ll just have to be patient, whether he wants to or not.

He’s even more out of focus than normal, his fingers brushing the CD case where he’s stuck it to the bottom of the table whenever he has a chance. No one has found any of their notes thus far but he can’t help but be nervous about it. The note that Josh left him is in his bag and he’s bouncing his leg with nerves.

As usual, when he gets past the doors of the music hall he unfolds the note that’s been left for him, another ripped piece of notebook paper. He leans against the music hall brick wall around the corner of the door and holds his breath but he’s not really sure what for.

needy by Ariana Grande is written on the note and Johnny’s breath leaves his lungs rather quickly. It’s a surprisingly well known song for Josh to give him, most of his tracks having been off the beaten path and there’s no additional commentary on the note at all. It’s a good song and, admittedly, Johnny has heard it a number of times, but something about the name of it puts his thoughts into a tailspin that he wasn’t expecting to have. After he tucks the note into his notebook he leans his head against the wall for a moment, head tipped back. When he finally puts himself together he heads for the library, as he usually does after his morning class.

He barely makes it through the front doors of the library, stopping as soon as he sees Josh sitting in one of the lounges, headphones in and looking intently at his computer, the laptop open in his lap, books open next to him on the side table. He’s got a pen between his fingers, head in his hand, glasses slipping down his nose. Johnny didn’t know he wore glasses but they suit his face, slipping down the strong bridge of his nose. He looks comfortable in his cardigan and joggers, pair of high top Converse on his feet.

Unprompted, the chorus of needy starts playing through Johnny’s head in Ariana Grande’s soft soprano.

_And I can be needy, way too damn needy_   
_I can be needy, tell me how good it feels to be needed_   
_I can be needy, so hard to please me…_

He’s nearly run into by a rushing undergrad, glancing behind himself as they jog around him. He stumbles back in surprise, shaken from his thoughts. Johnny clutches the thermos close to his chest for a second, taking a deep breath before doing one of the stupider things he’s ever done.

Walk towards Josh. With absolutely no plan in mind.

The lounge is almost empty with only one other person, sitting on the opposite side from where Josh is and Johnny takes a deep breath before sitting down in the empty seat next to Josh’s table. He doesn’t even look up, clearly still involved in what he’s doing and Johnny reaches forward to set his thermos down on the coffee table, beginning to unpack his things.

He’s already got his own computer and books out when Josh starts next to him when Johnny’s got his headphones halfway to his ears. He offers him a slight smile, Josh’s hand coming up to push his glasses up his nose. The cardigan is a little too big, it’s slipping down his fingers, revealing only the tips of them. The expression on his face is surprised, but otherwise unreadable with wide eyes and slightly parted lips. Have his lips always been that pretty or Johnny just an idiot?

“Is it alright if I sit here?” Johnny whispers and Josh nods, as though Johnny speaking breaks him out of his momentary shock. “Don’t mind me,” Johnny tells him, leaning back in his chair. He’s slightly turned towards Josh where he’s sitting on Josh’s right and Josh nods once before turning back to his computer, pushing the headphone he took out to hear Johnny back into his ear. He resumes studying while Johnny pushes his own headphones into his ear, opening Spotify because he can’t help himself.

Because he’s facing Josh he can’t see his computer unless he makes an effort to look, which Johnny isn’t so sure he wouldn’t mind if he’s scoping out his Spotify playlists. Maybe a little embarrassing but he turns on needy because he’s nothing if not curious and a little bit of a risk taker. He glances at Josh, who is back to looking at his computer. Johnny’s not actually sure he’s studying as he hasn’t written in his notebook in a while even though both it and his music comp book is open next to him. He finds out just what a terrible idea this was when the song gets to the chorus.

 _I can be needy…_ plays on a loop through his head and when he chances another glance at Josh his mind is in a spiral once more, imagining those words dripping from Josh’s pretty lips instead of Ariana’s. He knows he’s fucked himself when Josh licks his lips and a tingle drips down his spine. His eyes dart back to his computer in an effort to pay the fuck attention to what he’s doing. It won’t last long, knowing Josh is so close and with all this newfound knowledge.

His mind drifts away from him as he tries to copy some of his notes down into his computer, cross checking them with the information Kwon told them would be on the final. It’s very boring, rote work and he lets his head get away from him, wondering what Josh did with all the music he gave him. Has he been keeping track of them? Did he make a playlist of them like Johnny did? Did he even listen to them? Hopefully he did since he kept giving Johnny songs, a back and forth that he clearly must’ve wanted to keep up and Jihoon said it put him in a good mood. At least Johnny’s subpar music taste made someone smile, he thinks as he copies notes blindly.

They work in silent companionship, people move in around them, but no one disturbs them where they’re sitting. Eventually Johnny moves his pencil case to the table between them and Josh moves his book back to give him the room. He has to start annotating this guide or he’s not going to remember anything and when Johnny glances at Josh’s book he can see he’s already marked full sections in pencil. Same brain, he considers as he reaches for a pencil as Josh reaches to turn a page in his notebook.

Their fingers brush and Johnny pulls his hand back in a short, jerky motion, dropping it to his lap as his eyes fixate on the little dot that runs across the progress bar on his Spotify player. With both of their headphones in and Johnny staring at this computer he misses the little gasp Josh lets out involuntarily, head turning as his fingers curl in towards his palm. He lowers his hand slowly to the corner of the page again, turning it to the next section of his notes. When he pulls it back he rests it in the middle of his page, Johnny looking away once Josh has turned back to his computer. He pulls a pencil free of the case, twirling it once before going at the guide he’s got in his lap.

He’s a grown man, Johnny silently berates himself. He’s 25 fucking years old. He just touched Josh’s hand. Oh my god, it is not that deep! And yet he can’t bring himself to push down the heat that’s creeping over the back of his neck. _Either get it together or admit that you like him,_ a voice warns him in the back of his mind that sounds scarily like Ten.

That’s a horrifying realization for Johnny to have while he’s sitting directly next to him. His entire neck burns up now and he’s hopeful it’s not reached his ears yet, or at the very least Josh hasn’t noticed. He really didn’t think it would come to this, he just appreciated Josh for his music taste and he’s nice, he’s a lot of fun at parties and he’s cute. He’s definitely cute, Johnny knows this but he didn’t think it would be like this.

What absolutely terrible timing.

“Hyung,” someone says and Josh turns away from his computer, the motion in Johnny’s peripheral catching his attention. He turns to look as Seokmin bends over Josh’s back, a grin in place. Josh brightens up with a grin as well and Johnny turns back to his computer.

”He wrote this playlist for someone, he didn’t say…”

Jihoon’s voice filters through his consciousness and Johnny resists the urge to grit his teeth. He is an adult, he can be an adult about this. Besides, Taeyong does shit like that to him all the time, that doesn’t mean Josh and Seokmin are together, that’s ridiculous.

Josh, however, is dealing with Seokmin’s stupid, big eyes darting between Josh and Johnny. If they weren’t in the library he would probably beat his dongsaeng’s ass for being so blatant in public but Seokmin’s yell would be enough to wake the dead so he chooses not to. He does, however, roll his eyes and take his headphones out, shutting his computer. Johnny looks over as he starts packing up his things, tucking them into his messenger bag.

“I’ll see you?” Josh asks, wrapping the strap of it around his shoulders. Johnny nods. “Cool.”

“Oh, hyung,” Seokmin says, reaching out to touch Johnny’s shoulder. “A Phi O party out on Greek next weekend? Mingyu wanted me to ask you if you’re down for some beer pong.”

“Always. I’ll see you guys there,” Johnny assures him. Seokmin grins while Josh huffs, grabbing him by the shoulders to force him towards the door of the library.

“See you, Johnny hyung,” Josh tells him. Johnny opens his mouth to reply but they’re too far away for him to respond without yelling. He also didn’t know that Josh calls him ‘hyung,’ so that’s kind of a weird revelation but he merely takes in a deep breath. He turns back to his computer and changes to his own playlist and frowns deeply when sharing you starts playing.

He definitely did not ask to be roasted by his own Spotify playlists, thanks so much.

Finals are very, very soon and Johnny is getting drunk in the A Phi O house instead. It’s probably the last party before they all have to strap in for finals so if he gets drunk he doesn’t want anyone to hold him responsible for his own stupidity. It’s worth it though, he’s got Yuta and Taeil on deck as beer pong partners and Mingyu is somewhere in this house ready to get his ass handed to him. He thinks someone is playing flip cup in the kitchen but he hasn’t gone to check yet and the jungle juice is strong this evening.

A cheer rises up from the kitchen when Johnny is trying to elbow his way into the room, Jungwoo giggling into his shoulder where he’s clinging tightly to the back of his shirt so they can both get in without getting swept away in the crowds. Someone has won the flip cup tournament and when Johnny finally makes it through the throng to get to the beers Vernon’s got his hands in the air in victory while Hendery and Mark are cheering loudly behind his back. A shower of solo cups rains on the champion and Johnny looks over to see Soonyoung and Wonwoo going in on the plastic cup shower, bonking the three of them in the head multiple times.

“Hey!” A voice rises above the blaring music and Johnny turns to look, as does most of the kitchen. It’s a loud fucking voice, which apparently belongs to the younger student in question who is asking to get his ass handed to him in beer pong. “Will Johnny Suh please report his ass to the beer pong table! Johnny Suh, you are being paged to the beer pong table!” He yells above the din of electropop and chattering college students. Johnny laughs, filling Jungwoo’s cup for him and then grabbing him by the arms to steer their way back out of the kitchen.

Jungwoo is already flushed and giggly and clings to his baseball tee even as Johnny trips out of the crowd to see the beer pong table already set up, Sicheng and Minghao filling the cups with cans of beer. It’s shit beer even but it’ll still get them drunk and Johnny looks around the room to spot one of his partners.

“I’m here!” Yuta announces, pushing his way through the crowd, Kun’s hands fisted in his boyfriend’s shirt to not lose him in the crowd. He chugs the last of his beer and tosses it to a garbage can not far. It practically swishes and there’s a round of cheers on their side of the table, a bunch of boos from the people surrounding Mingyu and Jihoon.

Johnny scans the crowd and it’s a mess. It’s still early in the night, it’s only about eleven but the crowd is churning around them, ready for a rousing game of beer pong and Johnny is excited to deliver. Mingyu and Jihoon, while decent, are almost guaranteed to lose against himself and Yuta even if Yuta is well on his way to smashed. Seungcheol and Jun are nearby with their own drinks and when Johnny looks over to where Mingyu is standing Seokmin is wrapped around Josh, arms wrapped around his hyung’s shoulders from behind, red solo cup dangling from his fingertips while Josh has both of his hands wrapped around his.

“Don’t fuck it up!” Someone shouts on his side of the table and Johnny turns to see Dejun, Hyuck and Jeno already up in the front row to watch. Ten practically materializes out of the crowd to get in his business while Sicheng climbs into the couch with Minghao, whistling loudly to start the match.

“Gimme some luck, Tennie,” Johnny says, tapping his cheek and Ten smooches Johnny soundly before stumbling back into the waiting arms of his rather exasperated friends-with-benefits, Jaehyun, wrapping his arms around Ten’s middle. Sicheng’s surprisingly sober for the hour and has the coin in hand for the flip.

“Heads!” Johnny shouts before Mingyu can even get a word out and Minghao catches the coin out of the air, checking for the answer.

“Heads! John hyung goes first!” He announces to the room. There’s another round of yelling while Johnny is awarded the orange ping pong ball of fate. A hush falls over this room, the sound of electropop from the main room still pumping in through the open door and the flip cup tournament that is probably still happening in the kitchen. The den is all quiet though as Johnny lines up his shot, tongue sticking out a bit, before tossing the ball.

It sinks the farthest back corner easily and the room erupts. Jihoon sighs as he reaches for the cup. He fishes the wet ball out, shaking it off before raising the cup to Johnny, who winks, before draining it in one drink. The cup lands in the trash and Jihoon sets up to throw.

The ball practically swishes into the cup he aims for and Johnny takes the drink, mostly because Yuta is already almost swaying on his feet, flushed through the cheeks and down his neck. Once the ball has been retrieved he tosses it to Yuta before swallowing the beer in the cup, Yuta stepping up to throw the ball.

It’s an excellent game and it’s loud in the room every time a ball lands in a cup. There are only a handful of misses because Johnny wouldn’t consider any of them to be novices at beer pong. Yuta is a little too inebriated and misses a cup once, which Johnny drinks so Yuta doesn’t keel over on him, and Mingyu’s bounced balls means Johnny is fast enough to smack it out of the air. When they get to the end of the game Johnny and Yuta still have four cups while Yuta dunks a clear shot into one of the two left on Mingyu and Jihoon’s side.

For Jihoon’s size he certainly can hold his alcohol, standing straight and even footed as he chugs the contents of the cup, handing the ball over to Mingyu to complete his next shot. It’s a good shot but as long as Johnny can nail this next one, Yuta taking the drink on this one, they’re the winners. And Johnny steps back, lining up his shot. His eyes dart over to the side behind Mingyu of their own accord, as they have a couple times while he’s about to throw, taking in what Josh and Seokmin look like in the front row of the crowd.

Seokmin’s got his hands on Josh’s hips and Johnny’s heart is in his throat for no reason whatsoever. He’s been drinking and he’s been told he can be a bit irrational while drunk so the image of Seokmin’s hands on Josh makes his skin heat up. He focuses back on the cup and tosses the ball, almost without care, but it lands in the cup with a little splash and the room bursts into cheers. Johnny lifts a hand in victory while Mingyu and Jihoon frown at the orange ball floating in the cup of beer.

Kun is already kissing the hell out of Yuta, giggly and messy, next to him but Johnny’s here alone so he simply bows out with a little bow in their direction. Sicheng awards the losers their cups of beer, which Jihoon and Mingyu knock together before downing them all. Other than the beer, though, Johnny’s not had much to drink and it’s warm in the den with all the people still lingering around after the beer pong game. It’s been about 45 minutes and Johnny slips through the crowd, headed for a better drink while Minghao sets up another match for any other takers.

The rest of the house is a little bit thinner, it’s almost midnight and people are starting to spill out onto the sidewalk, the other nearby houses that are throwing, the backyard. It’s a little bit easier to make his way to the kitchen and Johnny carefully tries to navigate it, pausing when he feels a hand at his back, pressed there and staying there. Their fingers catch up in the hem of his tee and when he turns he comes face to face with Josh’s gently flushed cheeks.

“Hey,” Josh says, voice almost lost. “Can I get a drink for the winner?” He asks, grinning. Johnny leans in even though he definitely heard him and Josh leans in closer. He’s not much shorter than Johnny, only a couple of inches but his fingers tighten around his shirt and Johnny feels when Josh’s knuckles brush the hot skin of his back. Josh’s lips are next to his ear when he says, “A drink. For the winner. Can I do that?” When Johnny pulls back the blush on his cheeks is darker and Johnny nods with a smile.

“Sure. Lead the way,” he tells him and Josh lets go of his shirt, hand sliding around Johnny’s waist. Before he can get too far Johnny catches his hand in his, curling his fingers around his. The crowd isn’t thick enough to cite it as a reason but as long as Josh doesn’t ask it it doesn’t matter and Josh pulls him closer as he leads them through the crowd of people into the kitchen.

The kitchen is still very loud and rambunctious with the flip cup games going on and they have to sidle past the crowd in the too-small fraternity house kitchen to get to the drinks. The jungle juice is in a massive YETI but the harder stuff is strewn about the counter, which Josh takes him to. It’s too tight for the both of them to stand at the counter so Johnny steps up behind him, caging Josh’s slightly smaller frame against the kitchen counter as he reaches for a new cup.

“What do you want?” Josh asked, turning his head just a little so Johnny knows he’s talking to him. Johnny hums, creeping in closer. He’s being reckless, hands on the counter on either side of Josh’s waist, keeping him pressed close to the counter. There’s too many people in here for them to have much room but this is a bit much, he knows it, chest up against Josh’s back and leaning down to put his mouth next to Josh’s ear.

“I’ll have what you’re having,” Johnny says, reaching around to tap the rim of the cup Josh still has in his hand. “I’m not that picky,” he tells him and Josh turns back to the counter, head ducked down towards his chest. Johnny glances around the party as his hands leave the counter to rest on Josh’s hips instead. The party is still going on in the main room, the music has finally transitioned into something worth dancing to and when he looks back at Josh he’s got two full cups. He has to step back to let Josh turn around to hand him his and he keeps eye contact with him as he takes a sip.

The cup is nearly two thirds vodka to a third of mixed cranberry and orange juice and Johnny is wondering if this is a good idea when Josh smirks around the lip of his cup. This was on purpose and Johnny doesn’t know if it’s for beating his friends or just because he’s being a bit mischievous tonight but Johnny likes the glimmer of mirth in his eyes. It’s a good look on him.

“You wanna dance?” Johnny asks and Josh looks around his shoulder towards the main room. A flush darkens up his cheeks again, trailing down his neck and chest, of which Johnny can see a teasing triangle of, his button down three buttons undone with the sleeves rolled up his arms. He looks far more put together than most of the people here but Johnny thinks Josh might actually just consider this casual dress and that’s kind of cute. When he meets Josh’s gaze again he nods, a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah, okay.”

Johnny drains the cup in one go, a surprised laugh bursting out of Josh as he does so. The cup is left to the remnants of cups and drink paraphernalia left on the counter and Johnny takes Josh’s hand in his again. He’s giggling as Johnny pulls him through the crowd towards the DJ in the main room, which Johnny has thought many times tonight about taking control of. He won’t now, of course, not when he’s got Josh’s hand in his at the edge of the crowd of bodies.

He reels him in by the hand and coils his arm around his waist, pressing them together tightly. Josh practically falls into him and moves the hand that’s got his drink out wide to avoid spilling it on either of them. He settles his other arm on Johnny’s shoulder and averts his eyes shyly as the music picks up around them. Despite the way he’s not looking at Johnny his body moves of its own accord and Johnny creeps his hand down his waist to rest it on the small of his back, low enough to be almost indecent but isn’t.

The music isn’t cohesive enough to be for much more than grinding, the steady sway of bodies on top of one another on the makeshift dance floor in this frat house but it’s good enough that Johnny doesn’t feel bad in his drunk state to press as close as possible to Josh. Josh might also be a little more inebriated than he let on because he goes loose in Johnny’s arms, hips pressing close to Johnny’s. His body is so pretty, fluid, and Johnny lowers his head down to Josh’s shoulder, wrapping both arms around him to rest his hands on Josh’s ass.

When he gives him a little squeeze he drinks in the sound of Josh’s little gasp. He rocks their hips together a little more purposefully however and Johnny cups his ass. Now it’s indecent, the way Johnny is helping Josh rub up against him but he really doesn’t care. He’s drunk and Josh is so pretty, grinding his hips back into his own. When he turns his face into Josh’s neck he presses a kiss to his throat, feeling it move under his lips as Josh swallows.

“Kiss me,” Josh whispers, turning his head so his lips brush Johnny’s ear. Johnny hums his disagreement, peppering kisses down his neck. “Johnny,” he whines, voice just a little off from petulant. He’s close though and his hand comes around to thread into the back of Johnny’s hair.

“I don’t wanna kiss you like this,” Johnny sighs. “I want you to remember it when I kiss you the first time,” he admits. It’s a little too tender of an admission for a frat party dance floor when his hands are on Josh’s ass and he can feel the insistent press of Josh’s cock through his jeans, which, God. That’s a force to be reckoned with in terms of his morality.

“But-” he whines and Josh does sound petulant. Johnny’s traitorous mind suggests to him that maybe Josh really is the needy type and that’s not a thought he needs to have right now. He’s playing with fire and when he finally peels himself away from the smooth skin of Josh’s neck he almost feels bad. Josh feels good against him and he wants to take him back to his apartment but if he wakes up and they have an awkward morning after that’s going to fucking suck. Far more than leaving the two of them with a slight case of blue balls.

Johnny lifts a hand to Josh’s face, cupping his chin gently with his fingers, thumb pressed to his lips. Johnny notes in his alcohol addled state that he doesn’t have much of a cupid’s bow. When he runs his thumb along Josh’s lower lip Josh’s tongue flickers out to taste the pad of his thumb. It’s so hot it nearly breaks Johnny’s resolve but he merely swallows and instead presses a kiss to his cheek instead.

“After finals, Joshie,” Johnny tells him. Josh whines in the back of his throat, finger clenching in his hair. “Can you wait that long?”

“No,” he whines. “Johnny,” he pleads, leaning up for a kiss. Johnny turns away from his lips and Josh’s lips land on his cheek instead.

“Sorry, baby,” Johnny tells him.

When he untangles himself from Josh he heads home. He doesn’t find any of his friends, he came alone and he’ll go home alone. He’s hard in his jeans and he’s going to have a hangover he’s going to have to try and study through tomorrow. Normally Johnny’s shame stems from going home with someone but the guilt in his chest of leaving Josh on the dance floor weighs heavily all the way until he climbs between the sheets.

“John,” Seungcheol greets Johnny in The Bitter End the next day. Neither of them look very good, they’re both nursing hangovers and Seungcheol’s got a bucket hat pulled so low over his face Johnny can barely even see him. Johnny’s cap and mask is mostly so no one speaks to him on top of the books and notebooks he has strewn all over the big booth table so Seungcheol must have a reason to be here. Especially since neither of them really look like they’re up for conversation this morning, tucked into the farthest back booth of the coffee shop in an attempt to be left alone. Johnny hasn’t even been approached by a server since he sat down and ordered his Americano.

“Cheol,” Johnny chokes out, voice rough. “‘Sup?”

“I like you,” Seungcheol says and Johnny lifts a brow. “Not like that, but like, a friend,” he explains and Johnny nods slowly. “So I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and just get it out of the way. Did you really leave Josh on the dance floor last night after refusing to kiss him?” Johnny groans, tipping forward to put his head in his hands. “Alright. Good. That’s out of the way. So like… why?”

There are a lot of things happening in Johnny’s hangover addled head that makes it hard to articulate why he didn’t want to kiss Josh last night. The music thing all semester. The sudden and rather inconvenient crush he’s developed on Josh because of it. The fact that he made Josh a 16 song mix CD of sort of love songs that he thanked Johnny for in the following note and Johnny has seen him playing on his computer when they study together, which has been happening far more frequently after Johnny leaves music comp. Josh is kind and funny and studious and has a great taste in music and he’s cute. Johnny has realized all of these things in the span of about a week and royally fucked himself because now Josh probably thinks he doesn’t like him when all he wanted was to kiss Josh and have him fucking remember it.

“I’m an idiot,” Johnny mumbles and he doesn’t need to look to know Seungcheol is rolling his eyes at him.

“Yeah, I know that,” Seungcheol replies. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I didn’t want to take him home,” Johnny admits, lifting his head hesitantly. Seungcheol lifts a brow. “I mean, I did. Listen, I did want to take Josh home but I didn’t want to just hook up with him. I… like… Josh,” Johnny stumbles out and Seungcheol’s smile is shit eating. Johnny groans, rolling his eyes while Seungcheol rests an elbow on the table, cheek in hand.

“Go on,” he insists.

“Look, don’t tell him-”

“What?!” Seungcheol bursts, dropping his hand immediately. “Johnny, not to be that guy but we’ve all been waiting just about all semester for you to get a clue. If you’re worried about Josh not liking you I can assure you that’s not the problem,” Seungcheol tells him. “If you like the guy, just tell him. Don’t make him wait around because he’s pretty fucking dejected right now. He definitely thinks you do not like him right now and have you ever seen a sad Joshua because it’s pretty fucking upsetting,” Seungcheol informs him and Johnny frowns behind his mask. “Oh my God, your eyes. Dude, just tell him the truth.”

“I will.”

 _I will,_ translates roughly to _when I have the chance,_ which does not come up for the rest of the weekend. In fact, after his rather uncomfortable conversation with Seungcheol Johnny barricades himself into his room and only comes out for food and to use the bathroom. Taeyong starts coming in with cups of tea to make sure Johnny is still breathing on Sunday and pets his hair, telling him everything will be okay when he pouts rather extremely. Johnny’s not a hundred percent sure that’s true but he would like to think Taeyong is right.

It’s the last week of proper classes before the finals start up and Johnny gets into music composition to see yet another note. It lands in his bag and Johnny wonders for most of the class if he’s even allowed to give Josh a song back. Does he deserve it the way he made Josh so sad?

He does and chooses sorry by The Rose. He also gives up the ghost and writes his name, Johnny x, at the bottom of the note before taping it to the underside of the table. It’s one of the last tracks he’s going to give Josh, the semester is almost over anyway and by the time they get back from winter break Johnny doubts Josh is going to want anything to do with him anyway. Johnny is spending winter break with Taeyong’s family anyway so maybe it’s not all bad, something to keep his mind off of it.

By the time class lets out Johnny is hesitant to open the note. He’s not sure what he’s going to find in the note in his hand. It’s not that deep, Josh doesn’t even know it’s him but he unfolds it carefully around the corner from the doors to the music hall and kind of wants the world to swallow him whole.

Can I Kiss You? by Dahl is written on the note, no additional commentary.

Johnny shoves the note into his bag and hopes he’s right when he takes off from the library. Hopes Josh hasn’t already clued into his routine and is trying to leave before he shows up and he’s thankful when he gets close to the building that Josh, while certainly having figured it out, hasn’t made it very far. He’s just past the doors when Johnny breaks into a run to catch him before he loses him, calling out Josh’s name as he gets closer.

Josh looks just short of a deer in headlights, eyes big behind his wire framed glasses and windbreaker dwarfing his frame. He’s not small but he looks small as Johnny approaches, too-big windbreaker swallowing him up. He’s stopped short on the sidewalk and looking at Johnny hesitantly, like he’s not actually sure what Johnny’s going to want. When Johnny comes to a rolling stop next to him, hand clutching the strap of his messenger bag he takes a deep breath, which ghosts from his lips in a soft cloud.

“Yeah?” Josh asks, voice small.

Words die on Johnny’s tongue as he tries to figure them out under Josh’s gaze. He looks almost scared and the words ‘can I kiss you’ run on repeat in Johnny’s head. He doesn’t say them though as he steps forward and cups Josh’s face in his hands carefully, bringing him into a kiss. Josh gasps a little sound into Johnny’s mouth that Johnny smothers with his lips, his tongue, a hand falling from Josh’s face to wrap his arm around his waist, bringing him into him. Josh’s eyes slide shut and his hands come up to the front of Johnny’s hoodie, fisting the material in his hands as he tugs him impossibly close.

The press of Josh’s lips is intoxicating and Johnny kind of wishes he had brought Josh back to his apartment on Friday but the taste of Josh’s lips is so much sweeter with the flavor of coffee clinging to them, the slick slide of his windbreak that Johnny slips his hand under. Josh sighs into his lips and Johnny absorbs it all, thumb brushing carefully over the curve of Josh’s cheek as Josh’s hands finally ease free of his hoodie to wrap the sides of his neck gently.

“Sorry,” Johnny mumbles into his lips and Josh hums, stealing a couple more kisses. “I just-”

“Don’t talk, I’m not done,” Josh tells him, sealing their lips together. They’re delightfully insistent and Johnny thinks distantly of the fact that they’re on the sidewalk in front of the library when finals are literally a week away. But he doesn’t think too much about it when Josh kisses him deeper, fingers sliding up into Johnny’s hair, forcing him to tilt his head the way Josh wants it. Johnny loves a man who knows what he wants.

Wednesday Johnny almost gets the shit beaten out of him by his… significant other. The person he is seeing? The boy really really likes and kisses pretty often. He and Josh haven’t actually put a label on it but when he shows up to the library Josh is waiting outside of it instead of in it. He’s leaning against the wall next to the doors and turning something over in his hands. Johnny tilts his head as he approaches, walking up to meet him.

“What’re you doing out here, it’s cold,” Johnny comments. Josh looks up at him with a smile lingering around his lips. And then punches him right in the arm, a deceptively strong punch that nearly knocks Johnny over. It’s going to bruise for sure and Johnny’s mouth falls open as he grunts in pain, hand coming up to rub his arm. Josh looks immensely satisfied with himself as he leans back against the wall.

“Fucker,” Josh spits but he sounds amused rather than angry. “You didn’t tell me you knew it was me,” he says, eyes darting to the ground. Upon closer inspection Josh has a piece of ripped notebook paper in his hands, the sharp corners worn down most likely because of Josh’s fingers running over them.

“I didn’t know until a few weeks ago,” Johnny admits, dropping his hand from his shoulder. “Jihoon asked about it after lunch that one day.” Josh rolls his eyes emphatically. “So who was the playlist for, the first one?” Johnny asks because he’s nosy and doesn’t know how to leave well enough alone. And the look he gets from Josh is almost enough to have him backpedaling because he really probably shouldn’t have asked. It was months ago, all the way at the beginning of the semester but Josh only breathes a laugh, shaking his head.

“You, dumbass,” Josh says, eyes falling back to fixate on the ground again. “I was making it for you. I didn’t think I’d give it to you I just…” he sighs. “I just wanted to make it because I thought if I did maybe I would stop being so stupid and stop having this school yard crush on you. But I didn’t so…” he trails off, a blush coming up on his cheeks. Johnny looks at him for a long time before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Cute,” Johnny mumbles before kissing his lips as well. “C’mon, we have finals to study for. You said you’d make sure I pass Kwon’s exam.” He points out, offering his hand. Josh looks at it for a long moment before sliding his fingers between Johnny’s.

“And I told you it’s not that hard to pass,” he retorts. “You know I should beat you up for not telling me. That’s fucked up, Johnny.”

“Maybe I just wanted to pass notes with a cute boy,” Johnny suggests, bumping his shoulder into Josh’s on their way into the library. Josh bumps back a little harder.

“God, what are we, in grade school?”

“I did not kiss girls in grade school like I kiss you.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/sofarsoperfect)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sofarsoperfect)
> 
> the playlist that inspired this fic: [silly love songs](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6dZ0qrk1RA39SS94DebfKP?si=QYf-FvBdQYmyIogugB4ObQ)


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